US Catholic Faith in Real Life

Christ is risen? Not so fast, says Microsoft

Meinrad Scherer-Emunds | Print this pagePrint | Email this pageShare

For many years a former co-worker, a huge Mac fan, harangued us about the evil machinations of Microsoft and its march toward world domination. We never paid him much heed, but I'm beginning to wonder if maybe he was on to something when he identified Bill Gates as the Antichrist.

Earlier today I was busy editing an upcoming essay for U.S. Catholic magazine when I noticed that little green squiggly line the built-in proofing tool in Microsoft Word puts under words it doesn't like or flags for possible mistakes or suggestions for improvement.

The sentence MS Word brought to my attention read: "He is risen," and the little squiggly green line under "risen" was letting me know that Bill Gates apparently had some serious doubts about that.

"Verb Confusion," Bill admonished me. "You may be confusing the marked verb with a similar sounding verb."

To avoid the confusion, Bill suggested I might just rephrase, "He is raised." To what location Christ was to be raised, however, he didn't say. Maybe back onto the cross?

Sorry, Jesus, Bill says, no empty tomb for you!

Obviously there must be some vast, global anti-Christian conspiracy going on here, with evil Microsoft and the abominable Bill Gates cleverly and subliminally undermining faith in Christianity's most fundamental teaching.

Unfortunately, I'm kinda busy right now, so maybe I'll just shoot an e-mail over to Bill Donohue or Don Wildmon to get the boycott started. They must have a lot of time on their hands because I haven't heard of any boycott calls from them for quite some time--at least a whole week!