I resolve to resolve less
Yesterday evening, I had a hangover of sorts. No, I didn’t binge drink on New Years Eve. I had to have an espresso at 4 p.m. and still found myself getting bleary eyed before the clock struck midnight. My binging took place on New Year’s Day, rather, and lasted until January 2 until about 3 p.m. CST. I gleefully thought about and wrote out 12 resolutions plus five additional “general goals” that I felt were allowed because they weren’t specific and measurable enough to count as resolutions. I even settled on a motto for the year: Quality over quantity. How ironic. After indulging myself for a day and a half, I hit a wall and had to lay on the couch in front of the TV for a few hours recuperating.
My name is Meghan, and I am a self-improvement junkie.
It’s terrible to say for a variety of reasons, but I actually enjoy New Year’s Day more than Christmas. I love starting anew, getting to wipe the slate clean, second (and third, and forth) chances. But I also know the value of remind oneself, “I am enough in God’s eyes.” There’s a balance, I’m aware, between setting a personal goal to strive for and being confident and proud in your own skin right now. I just don’t know how to achieve it. If I’m trying to do a triathlon in 2012, why shouldn’t I also be shooting to improve my mile pace, to strengthen my legs by doing lunges 3 times a week, and while I’m at it, eating more fruits and vegetables? (And lest you think my resolutions are all physical fitness related, I’ve also resolved to set aside time for meditation and prayer, 30 minutes of writing every morning, spending more time with friends, and practicing my music.)
I’m aware that given my disposition, I should have but one resolution: to learn to be satisfied with myself right now. My faith has a funny role in all this. I’ve been taught all my life that God loves me just as I am. But it’s this love, that inspires me to be better, to use all my gifts to their best ability, and to get up and keep trying when I stumble.
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