The other woman
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
By Megan Sweas
Comments (4)
What's it like to be the lover of a priest?
It seems that some Italian woman have decided that it's time to step out of the shadows and write an open letter to the pope about the challenges of celibacy and the failure of priests to uphold celibacy.
This would be the story picked up by secular media companies as the Year of the Priest draws to a close in the next few days (see our award-winning coverage). You can read/listen to the story at NPR, though they don't mention that it's the Year of the Priest. The special year does seem to be going out with fireworks with this letter, protests from sex abuse survivors, and women priests coming to Rome "to celebrate with my fellow priests," as one told Catholic News Service.
In addition to arguing why celibacy shouldn't be required of priests, the letter (read English translation here) does give an interesting view into what life is like when you are a priest's lover. Based on the possible outcomes she lists, it doesn't sound fun.
As a woman, I never understood why a woman would ever be "the other woman." I couldn't live with knowing that I was hurting a fellow woman, but beyond basic morals and the Ten Commandments, the relationship would be difficult and strained.
After reading this, I can't understand why they would want to be "the other woman" when a man is "married" to the church either. They might say I've never been in that situation--true--but I would never want to get in this situation.
Just listen to the author of the letter describe her five-year relationship with a man who could never treat her as an equal (from NPR): "I think I represented a stain on his church dress," Salomone says. "He wanted to see me, but after seeing me he was not happy with his decision. He always tried to find a way to go away. I wasn't seen as a woman, I was seen as a danger, as a sin."
Considering Pope Benedict isn't likely to strike celibacy from the rules in his final events for the Year of the Priest, my advice for those lovers of priests: If he isn't willing to quit the collar for you, he's probably just not that into you.
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Race Gender Class
By Jerry D (not verified) on Wednesday, June 9, 2010"As a woman, I never understood why a woman would ever be "the other woman." I couldn't live with knowing that I was hurting a fellow woman"
The Left views life through the prism of race, gender and class. The hurt I would cause society and everyone involved should be my motivation not to commit adultry, not because someone it hurts a person of my sex or someone of a "victim group."
Some women seek the sexual thrill of targeting the "forbidden fruit" of a priest. The tone of this post places no moral responsibility on women who seek sexual relationships with priest. Categorizing women as the "victim" gender diminishes their dignity.
victims?
By Meghan Murphy-Gill on Wednesday, June 9, 2010It sounds, though, like you just want to disagree with Megan to disagree with her. She never said nor alluded to this idea that the women in romantic relationships with priests were "victims." In fact, it was her attempt to relate as a woman to these women that led to her conclusion that these women should never have entered into such disfunctional relationships to begin with.
Read her last line. She's directly referencing the the pop-culture phenomenon "He's just not that into you," the movie and book (and line of dialogue from Sex in the City) that conveys the message that women who find themselves making excuses for men who aren't stacking up as good partners to stop doing that, i.e., to stop being victims and start taking responsibility.
Different Worlds -Meghan
By Jerry D (not verified) on Wednesday, June 9, 2010Thanks for clarifying your perception. We come from different views so it can be hard to communicate.
My post referred to Megan's primary reason for not committing adultery was that she would not want to hurt a "fellow woman." Conservatives such as me see this in the pattern of victim group think. It is not really about hurting someone who is the same as Megan. She would properly horrified to hear a person say "I would especially never want to hurt a fellow white man" because being white is not part of a victim group. However, she would be fine with someone saying "I would especially never want to hurt a fellow black man."
I didn't pick up on the Sex in the City pop culture referenence, but I did notice Megan's references of the woman involved from a victim standpoint: "a man who could never treat her as an equal" and "I wasn't seen as a woman, I was seen as a danger, as a sin."
Nevertheless, I didn't see Megan portraying the woman committing adultery as a victim of the adultery but as not challenging the sinfulness of women as well as the priests involved in these situations. We conservatives see the Left's reluctance to hold members of "victim groups" to the same standards of people perceived to be in power as dehumanizing of members of victim groups.
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